Darkest Hour  SPOOF
by RainbowNinjaUnicorn279
Summary: Firestar is now leader of the Followers of the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar. But dark forces are on the move. Can Firestar defeat the miniature Scourge? Or will he just want to stay at home and eat cupcakes with the twig? Find out inside...
1. Why Mistyfoot is called Mistyfoot

**This my first spoof fanfic. This is a spoof of the Darkest Hour (one of my favourite books). It's going to be about seven chapters long... I know it's short, but I skip out a lot of stuff...**

**Please review after reading!**

**Enjoy~**

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><p>Fireheart was dragging Bluestar's body through the forest. Greystripe, Stonefur, and Mistyfoot accompanied him. They all plodded along in silence. After a while, Fireheart stopped and put Bluestar's body down.<p>

"Ugh, Bluestar is so heavy!" he cursed.

Suddenly a cat appeared. It was see-through and hovered like a ghost. It was Bluestar.

"I am _not_ heavy! I've been on a diet for ages!" she growled, "This just proves that all my hard work was for nothing! I'm in a huff with you!" Bluestar then vanished.

The four cats acted like nothing had happened. Fireheart picked up Bluestar's body again and they started moving, yet again in silence. It continued like that until they arrived at the camp entrance. Fireheart put Bluestar's body down.

"I'm just going to check the camp on my own," Fireheart meowed. He turned to Greystripe, "Is that okay with you?"

Greystripe replied in a non-sarcastic voice, "You know Fireheart, despite the fact that there could be dogs in there that would rip you apart in seconds and leave our clan leaderless, I'm willing to let you go in alone," he meowed.

"Thanks Greystripe," Fireheart replied, "It's always good to know I can rely on you."

Fireheart padded into camp alone. He checked each den for dogs and found that there were none anywhere. He was about to exit the camp when he spotted a pebble. As if it was a bomb, he cautiously approached it and turned it over. One of the massive dogs was underneath it. It leaped at Fireheart.

"Ah!"

Greystripe, Mistyfoot, and Stonefur rushed into camp and helped Fireheart fight off the dog. They successfully chased it away. They then sat down, breathing heavily.

"Greystripe?" Fireheart asked, "Can you go and tell the rest of the clan it's okay for them to return to camp? I also need you to tell them that Bluestar is dead."

Greystripe pouted. "Why do I have to tell them the bad news?" He suddenly brightened up, "Can I sing them a song to cheer them up?"

Fireheart sighed. "I don't care. Just tell them."

"YAY!" Greystripe left, skipping with glee.

"It's easy to see where his loyalties lie," Stonefur commented.

Fireheart jumped in surprise. "God Stonefur! You gave me a fright! I almost forgot you existed because you haven't said anything. Oh well, you're going to die anyway, so who cares? And what do you mean, it's easy to see where Greystripe's loyalties lie? I don't think it's easy."

"It's very obvious," Stonefur meowed.

Fireheart looked puzzled. "With who?" he asked.

"Doctor Who," Stonefur replied. (**Doctor Who is a British TV show**)

"Who is Doctor Who?" Fireheart asked in confusion.

"No one knows," Stonefur replied mysteriously.

"I think we should put Bluestar's body in her den," Mistyfoot meowed.

Fireheart nodded. "Yes, we should," he meowed. He was about to go but then he stopped and stared at Mistyfoot in confusion. "Why are you called Mistyfoot?"

"Because my feet are misty…" she replied in embarrassment.

Fireheart and Stonefur stared at her feet and sure enough, they were covered in mist.

"So you do," Fireheart meowed.

Stonefur looked completely shocked. "I'm your brother and I never knew that!" he meowed in amazement.

"That just shows how well you two know each other," Fireheart meowed happily.

Fireheart went and dragged Bluestar's body into her den. He turned to Stonefur and Mistyfoot.

"Do you want to pay your respects to Bluestar?" he asked them.

"No. We still hate her," Stonefur replied.

"Yeah, even though we told her we didn't when she was dying," Mistyfoot added.

Suddenly a ghost cat appeared. It was Bluestar.

"Thanks for lying to me!" Bluestar meowed in a sarcastic and annoyed voice.

"Your welcome," Stonefur replied happily.

Bluestar then disappeared.

"We should go now," Mistyfoot meowed.

At that moment all of ThunderClan arrived in camp. They stopped in their tracks when they saw Fireheart, Stonefur, and Mistyfoot.

"Who are they?" Dustpelt asked.

"Bluestar's kits," Fireheart replied.

"Oh, right," Dustpelt meowed, "What happened to Bluestar?"

"She somehow managed to drag an entire pack of dogs into the gorge," Fireheart replied with no emotion in his voice, "She then drowned."

"That's nice. How about we all go back to clan life and pretend that Bluestar never existed?" Dustpelt suggested.

"Yeah," Fireheart replied.

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><p><strong>So there you go! Not the most funny of chapters (I have something hilarious planned for Scourge ;D ).<strong>

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	2. When did Bluestar eat an elephant?

**Here is Chapter 2! I skip out quite a lot of things between the first chapter and this chapter. This is at when Fireheart is at Moonstone having his dream.**

**Enjoy~**

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><p>Fireheart sat at Fourtrees, bored out of his mind. "I've been waiting for ages! Where are they?" he muttered.<p>

Bluestar appeared next to Fireheart. "What are you doing, standing around like a mousebrain?" she asked him.

"I've been waiting for you guys to come down," Fireheart replied. He indicated to the stars above with his tail.

Bluestar rolled her eyes. "Well we ain't coming down. If you want to come talk to us then you have to come up and speak to us," she meowed.

"What!" Fireheart was furious, "I have travelled for an entire day to get here and now I have to travel even further! This is an outrage!"

"Dude, take it or leave it," Bluestar meowed.

Fireheart sighed, his fury gone. "Fine. How do I get up there?" he asked.

Bluestar rolled her eyes again. "Ride the nyan cat, of course," she replied. After that she vanished, leaving Fireheart confused.

He spotted the nyan cat and hitched a ride into the stars. It was quite a long way up to StarClan, so the nyan cat passed that time by singing the song that it always sings. "Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan…"

Fireheart enjoyed listening to the song at first at even occasionally attempted at singing it (although failed miserably – he can't sing). But as the journey wore on Fireheart began to get serious irritated by the same song being sung over and over and over again. By the time he arrived he wanted to murder the nyan cat so it would shut up.

Fireheart had arrived at, well, nothing… It was a random empty space with stars around. He was also floating.

"I'm not even going to ask how this is possible," he muttered.

Bluestar then appeared, also floating. "I could have spoken to you down there but I made you come up here because I'm awkward," she meowed, "Blah blah blah you are now called Firestar."

Firestar was puzzled. "Don't I get nine lives?" he asked.

Bluestar laughed at him. "Nine lives? _Hell_ no. There is no such thing as having nine lives. That's impossible," she meowed.

Firestar was even more puzzled. "But… But I've seen you loose a life twice…"

Bluestar laughed again. "Those were tricks to make you think I had nine lives," she explained.

"Right…" Firestar muttered, "Now what?"

Bluestar smiled cruelly. "Now I'm going to get you to touch noses with a load of dead cats and put you through intense pain so I can win a bet," she declared.

So the nine dead cats came along – Brindleface, Swiftpaw, Redtail, Silverstream, Yellowfang, Spottedleaf, Runningwind, Lionheart, and, of course, Bluestar. They each touched noses with Firestar and went through extreme pain. At the end he was lying on the ground with barely any energy left.

"Are you knocked out?" Bluestar asked with hope in her voice.

Firestar heaved himself to his feet. "No," he replied.

A look of horror passed across Bluestar's face. "Oh no… Firestar, quick, lie on the ground and pretend-"

"Nice try Bluestar."

Crookedstar appeared, grinning evilly at her. "I won't let you cheat. I won the bet, so now you must pay the consequences," he growled, "Cough it up."

Bluestar then started coughing as if she was coughing up a fur ball. But instead of a fur ball coming out of her mouth, Firestar could see something that looked like… a trunk! Bluestar was coughing up an elephant!

Realising he was going to be waiting a while, he turned to Crookedstar. "Can I leave now?" he asked.

Crookedstar glanced at him. "Of course," he meowed brightly.

Firestar's dream then ended.

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><p><strong>Bluestar and her bets... *tuts*<strong>

**Anyway, I hope you liked it. :)**

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	3. King Firestar and his new deputy

**Here is Chapter 3!**

**I've skipped out the return journey and the talk with Ravenpaw. So now Firestar and Cinderpelt have just arrived back in ThunderClan camp.**

**Enjoy~**

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><p>Firestar and Cinderpelt padded into the ThunderClan camp. The clan is very busy, and none of them notice the two cats. There was a group of apprentices sitting outside their den.<p>

"Man, I'm bored," Ashpaw meowed miserably. He then noticed Firestar and Cinderpelt. He looked at them in excitement.

"Hey look, it's Chris Brown," he announced. (Chris Brown is a singer)

All the cats turn to look at Firestar and Cinderpelt and they cheered. They then started singing and dancing to Yeah 3x.

Firestar frowned. "Um… I'm not Chris Brown…" he meowed.

Everyone stopped singing and dancing and looked disappointed.

"Aw…" Ashpaw meowed, "Chris Brown was meant to come today but he hasn't showed up…"

Suddenly, a ghost appeared. Of course, it was Bluestar.

"Firestar! I forgot to give you a prophecy because I was too busy coughing up an elephant! The prophecy is '_Before there is peace, blood will spill blood and the lake will run red_'," Bluestar frowned, "Wait, that's from the second series. Sorry, my bad, it's '_Four will become two. Lion and Tiger will meet in battle and blood will rule the forest_'. I know I just revealed a critical piece of information in front of the entire clan, but I'm sure they will all manage to forget it."

Bluestar then vanished. As usual, everyone acted as if she had never appeared in the first place.

Firestar sighed. "Well I'm knackered. Thornpaw! Bring me new bedding and fresh kill!" he commanded.

"But Whitestorm's meant to tell me to do that!" the apprentice protested.

"So? I'm telling you to do it so do it!" Firestar commanded. Thornpaw rushed off and did as Firestar had asked. Firestar lay down in his den and Thornpaw gave him a dead crow.

"Thank you. Now go," Firestar commanded.

"One thing – who's going to be deputy?" Thornpaw asked.

"Well, there are three candidates. Firstly, there is Whitestorm. Secondly, there is the dead crow you just brought me. And thirdly, there is this twig that happens to be lying beside me. In the book I put a lot of thought into who the new deputy should be, but actually it's really obvious," Firestar meowed.

"Really? Who?" Thornpaw asked.

"The twig, of course. In fact I'm going to announce it right now," Firestar meowed.

"But you haven't slept since the dog attack, which was two days ago!" Thornpaw protested, "And you said yourself not that long ago that you were knackered."

"So? I'm not tired," Firestar meowed. He rose and padded out of his den. He leaped onto the Highrock and summoned his clan.

"May the Followers of the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar gather below me!" he called.

The cats in the clearing were confused. Whitestorm stepped forwards.

"We're ThunderClan, not the Followers of the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar!" he protested.

"So? ThunderClan is such a boring name!" Firestar moaned, "The Followers of the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar is a _much_ better name!"

"But we like being called ThunderClan!" Whitestorm argued.

"My clan, my rules," Firestar declared, "Now shut up." Whitestorm stopped complaining, allowing Firestar to continue, "The time has come for me to announce the new deputy. I'm meant to say some words, but I can't remember what they are. Oh well. The twig will be the new deputy of the Followers of the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar."

The whole can turned to look at the twig, which was lying outside Firestar's den. There was a few moments of silence, after which Firestar turned and addressed Darkstripe.

"Darkstripe, the twig says you have to leave," Firestar reported.

"What!" Darkstripe meowed in shock.

"You are leaving whether you like it or not," Firestar growled.

"I'm not protesting about leaving. I _want_ to leave. It's just that I'm meant to try and kill Sorrelkit first," Darkstripe explained.

"I don't want her to be harmed! Leave now!" Firestar commanded.

"Okay," Darkstripe replied brightly. He turned and padded out of camp.

"Right," Firestar meowed, "Meeting over. I have urgent matters to discuss with the twig."

"But wait!" Thornpaw interrupted, "I need to become a warrior! You promised!"

"Actually no I didn't," Firestar corrected, "I do in the book, but in this version it's skipped. Sorry. But I'll still make you a warrior. You are now called Thornclaw. Oh yes, and Lostface is now called Brightheart, because she managed to find her face. Everyone happy?"

The clan nodded.

"Good," Firestar meowed. He jumped down from the Highrock and padded into his den to discuss urgent matters with the twig.

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><p><strong>LOL... the twig :P<strong>

**Anyway, hoped that made you laugh.**

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	4. Firestar vs Tigerstar

**Here is Chapter 4!**

**Firestar is about to go to his first gathering as leader. What ridiculous things could possibly happen?**

**Hope you find this funny! Or you might find it deadly dull...**

**Enjoy~**

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><p>"Okay, I'm going to take some random cats to the gathering and I'm going to leave the twig in charge," Firestar announced.<p>

"No offence Firestar," Whitestorm meowed, "But I don't think it would be a good idea to leave the stick-"

"HOW DARE YOU CALL HIM THE STICK! HIS NAME IS THE TWIG!" Firestar thundered in a mad fury, "HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I STARTED CALLING YOU WHITEKIT?"

"Okay, point taken," Whitestorm meowed.

"Good," Firestar meowed brightly, fury now completely gone, "Now let's go."

Firestar lead a group of cats through the forest to the gathering. When they arrived WindClan was already there, but neither RiverClan nor ShadowClan had arrived. Firestar padded up to the great rock where Tallstar was waiting. Before Firestar had a chance to even say a single word to Tallstar, ShadowClan and RiverClan appeared together. Tigerstar bounded up to the great rock.

"Greetings!" he boomed, "I am Tigerstar, the greatest dancer in the world!"

Firestar snorted in disbelief. "Oh yeah? You never showed any good moves whilst you were a member of ThunderClan," he pointed out, "If you can dance so good, then why don't you demonstrate to us?"

Tigerstar smiled smugly. "Very well then," he meowed. He then danced like no one had ever seen before. It was even better than the dancing in _Step Up 3_. His dancing was so stunning it caused everyone's ears to fall off.

"Agh!" Many cats panicked and fumbled for their ears and attempted to put them back on. Firestar, however, just gaped at Tigerstar. He then started jumping up and down like an excited kit.

"Ooh, ooh, can you teach me to dance like that?" he begged to Tigerstar.

Tigerstar looked smug. "Of course I could," he replied, "But only for a price."

"What price?" Firestar asked eagerly.

"You will have to join TigerClan," Tigerstar replied.

"Join TigerClan? Hm… loose my freedom and learn to dance awesome, or keep my freedom and be the suckiest dancer in the world…" Firestar mused, "Wait, what is TigerClan?"

"TigerClan is the new clan. It is a combination of RiverClan and ShadowClan," Tigerstar replied, "And I'm leader of it."

"Ha! My clan name is better!" Firestar boasted, "It's called the Followers of the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar."

Tigerstar blinked at Firestar. "Um… I was only joking," Tigerstar meowed, "It's _actually_ called the Followers of the-"

"Copycat!" Firestar and Tallstar jeered in unison.

Tigerstar shuffled with embarrassment. "Um… will you join TigerClan?" he asked, quickly changing the subject.

"No way!" Firestar growled, "As much as I want to learn to dance awesome, there is no chance that I am going to side with a copycat!"

"I agree," Tallstar meowed.

"Oh…" Tigerstar meowed in disappointment, "Are you sure? We have cupcakes!"

Firestar and Tallstar both firmly shook their heads.

"Oh yeah, I've got to tell everyone about the bad stuff Tigerstar has done," Firestar meowed suddenly, "He was the one who stole Bluestar's _favourite_ mug!"

Bluestar appeared, hovering beside them. "I know! I was so sad, I cried for days!" she revealed.

"I never did that!" Tigerstar growled.

"Uh, Bluestar? Why is your fur pink?" Firestar asked, ignoring Tigerstar.

"Well, Crookedstar and I have had a series of three bets, and I've lost all three," Bluestar explained, "The first time I had to eat an elephant, the second time I have to cough it back up again, and the third time I had to paint myself pink, the colour I hate the most."

"That explains _so_ much!" Firestar meowed.

"Glad to know," Bluestar meowed unenthusiastically. Then, as usual, Bluestar vanished without saying goodbye.

"Anyway, back to what I was talking about," Firestar meowed, "As well as stealing Bluestar's favourite mug, he also-"

"Look!" Tigerstar interrupted him, "There is a storm! It is a sign! StarClan is in my favour!"

"There isn't a storm," Firestar objected, "In fact, there isn't even a single cloud in the sky. But there is a giant hot air balloon covering the moon. It appears to say 'Tigerstar's GIANT balloon' on it. I wonder who it belongs to."

"The gathering has ended!" Tigerstar declared, ignoring Firestar. He bounded away, leading TigerClan home, after they had collected their ears. Tallstar picked up his ears, turned around, and led WindClan away. Firestar was left standing alone at the great rock.

"That was a fail," Firestar muttered, "Oh well, let's go home."

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><p><strong>So Firestar was beaten by Tigerstar's clever planning this time. How will he make his comeback? Find out soon enough...<strong>

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	5. Can I have a cupcake?

**Here is another (hopefully) funny chapter!**

**It's a really long one (compared to the others)**

**Enjoy~**

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><p>Firestar was sitting in camp with Greystripe.<p>

"What have been doing recently?" Firestar asked Greystripe.

"Um… helping Whitestorm get everyone's ears back on, staring at my picture of Silverstream whilst crying, and listening Rihanna," Greystripe replied.

"Rihanna?" Firestar asked in confusion, "That's she-cat music!"

"I mean… I was listening to Eminem," Greystripe meowed hurriedly.

"Oh, that makes more sense," Firestar meowed in relief, "In case you were wondering what I have been doing, I will tell you. I have been admiring my amazing looks in my personal mirror, trying to dance like Tigerstar, having awesome conversations with the twig (he always agrees with everything I say!), and wondering why Bluestar had eaten an elephant," he meowed, "Oh, and being leader."

"Firestar? Can I ask you something?" Greystripe queried.

"No."

Greystripe ignored his answer. "Well, I've been thinking," he meowed.

"Really!" Firestar meowed in shock, "I never knew you could think!"

Yet again Greystripe ignored Firestare. "I'm worried about my kits," he meowed.

Firestar was even more shocked this time, "You have kits! I never knew that. I've read most of the books but I must have missed one out. Okay, what about your kits?" he asked.

"I'm worried about them because now they're under Tigerstar's power, he might be really mean to them. I mean, he hates me, so he might take it out on them. What do you think?" Greystripe asked.

Firestar rolled his eyes. "Don't be ridiculous! Of course he ain't gonna do that! That would be insane. Oh well, let's go over there and have a look anyway," He meowed.

"I wasn't suggesting we do that, but we might as well," Greystripe meowed.

At that moment a cat padded into the clearing. It was a pure black tom, except for the white tip at the end of its tail. It was Ravenpaw. He spotted Firestar and Greystripe and padded over to them.

"Hey guys!" he greeted them, "What a coincidence it is that I happen to appear when you guys are about to go out on an adventure. Can I come?"

"No. I don't like you," Firestar replied.

"You don't?" Ravenpaw meowed in disbelief.

"Why do you think we got rid of you? To protect you from Tigerstar?" Firestar replied.

"Yes, I thought that was why you sent me away…" Ravenpaw trailed off.

"No offence Ravenpaw, but it's kind of weird living with just one other cat," Greystripe meowed, "Especially when that cat is the same gender as you…"

"I'm not what you are suggesting I am!" Ravenpaw growled.

"How dare any of you even think about even mention that sort of content!" Firestar growled, "This is K+, in case you may have forgotten!"

"Sorry," Greystripe and Ravenpaw meowed in unison.

"Well, I think you need to be punished!" Firestar growled, "Greystripe, seeing as you are my best friend, you can more free time! Ravenpaw, seeing as I don't like you, you can leave ThunderClan territory!"

"That's not fair!" Ravenpaw protested.

"So? My clan, my rules," Firestar retorted. Ravenpaw left with his tail drooping.

"Well, now that annoying cat is gone, let's go and kick but!" Greystripe meowed enthusiastically.

Firestar shook his head. "We will not need to kick but," Firestar meowed, "Watch, and you may learn one of the many amazing skills of the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar."

Firestar lead Greystripe out of camp and through ThunderClan territory. When they arrived at the border Firestar didn't pause and continued straight into RiverClan territory. They swiftly made it across the river using the stepping-stones. After a bit of searching they found TigerClan's camp. Much to Greystripe's surprise, Firestar padded straight into the camp.

The cats of TigerClan didn't show much interest in the new arrivals – they were busy playing a game. A RiverClan cat was tied to the trunk of a tree standing at the edge of the clearing, looking terrified. A ShadowClan cat was throwing darts at the RiverClan cat, but, luckily, was a terrible aim. Some onlookers were urging the ShadowClan cat on.

Greystripe gulped. He was worried about his kits.

Firestar, however, was very interested. "That looks like fun," he meowed eagerly, "Do you think they'll let us play?"

Greystripe stared at Firestar in shock. "You want to play that? With ShadowClan cats?" he asked in disbelief.

"Actually, now that you have reminded me of that important fact, I've changed my mind," Firestar said.

"Remember, we came here about my kits," Greystripe persisted.

"Oh yes!" Firestar meowed. He padded over to Tigerstar, who was discussing something with some senior ShadowClan cats, including Blackfoot.

"Hey guys!" Firestar greeted them brightly. They all turned to him and bowed.

"All hail the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar," the murmured in unison. Firestar smiled, very pleased with their reaction.

Tigerstar, however, looked angry. "He can't even dance!" Tigerstar growled.

The cats stopped bowing and stared at Firestar in horror. "You can't dance!" Blackfoot gasped, "You monster!"

Firestar felt embarrassed that they knew he couldn't dance. He shuffled. "Um… I came to ask you for Greystripe's kits," Firestar meowed.

Tigerstar widened his eyes. "Greystripe has kits!" he gasped.

"How come no one knows I have kits?" Greystripe questioned no cat in particular.

"I don't know," Tigerstar replied honestly, "But you can have them."

Blackfoot padded into one of the dens and brought out Featherpaw and Stormpaw. He handed them both to a very pleased-looking Greystripe.

"Whilst I'm at it, can I also have Bluestar's kits?" Firestar asked.

"Sure," Tigerstar replied.

Blackfoot sighed and brought out Mistyfoot and Stonefur.

"Can I also have some cupcakes?" Firestar asked hopefully.

"Sure," Tigerstar replied.

Blackfoot padded away and brought some cupcakes.

Firestar was so pleased he had managed to get so many things from Tigerstar, and he was feeling cocky. "Can you teach me to dance?" he asked.

"NO!" NEVER! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT YOU CHICKEN-FLAVOURED KITTYPET!" Tigerstar thundered in rage.

Firestar squealed like a mouse and, after picking up the cupcakes, ran for his life with Greystripe, Mistyfoot, Stonefur, Featherpaw, and Stormpaw in tow. He screamed like a tiny kit all the way back to camp, by which point he finally managed to calm down.

"What I would like to know," Greystripe meowed, "Is how Tigerstar knew you were chicken-flavoured…"

"I honestly don't care right now," Firestar replied.

Greystripe shrugged and took Mistyfoot, Stonefur, Featherpaw, and Stormpaw away to settle them into camp. Longtail padded up to Firestar.

"Can I have a cupcake?" he asked brightly.

"No," Firestar growled, "If I give you one everyone else will want one."

"Pretty, pretty please? I won't tell anyone I got it from you." Longtail promised.

"It's still a no," Firestar growled, "I'm going to share them with the twig."

Firestar padded away from a disappointed Longtail. He went into his den and settled down, about to eat his cupcakes with the twig. However, he was interrupted. Brackenfur ran into his den.

"Firestar! Tawnypaw has disappeared!" he reported.

Firestar smiled. "Oh good, she was annoying. I can't believe she was getting more annoyed with everyone than Bramblepaw, who has to put up with looking _exactly_ like his dad," Firestar meowed.

"You don't care?" Brackenfur meowed in disbelief.

"Nope," Firestar replied simply.

"You don't care about anyone except yourself, you mother f*****!" Brackenfur growled.

Firestar gaped at him. "You just swore and this is a K+! Can no one remember that! Because of your selfish attitude this might have to be upgraded to a T! How _dare_ you call me that naughty word!" Firestar scolded.

"It was put in stars…" Brackenfur objected.

"I will not stand for this behaviour!" Firestar declared, "The twig says you should go sit in the Naughty Corner!"

"Oh, okay…" Brackenfur murmured. He padded out of Firestar's den with his tail trailing along the ground. He padded over to an area of the camp labelled 'Naughty Corner'. Cloudtail was already sitting there.

Firestar sighed in relief. "Now, where was I?" he asked the twig, "Ah, yes, the cupcakes."

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><p><strong>Cupcakes... yum...<strong>

**Hope you liked that! Next chapter is coming ASAP**

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	6. Santa Claws in disguise

**So here is chapter 6! The next chapter will be the last one. I bet you're wondering how I'm going to manage to fit the rest of the Darkest Hour into two chapters, but watch, and you may learn.**

**Enjoy~**

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><p>Firestar was in camp. He was talking to Sandstorm.<p>

"This is the first time you've appeared in this fan fiction," he pointed out, "Which is weird, because you're my mate, and I'm the main character."

"I'm not quite your mate. Don't forget we haven't had kits yet," Sandstorm reminded him, "But good point. Does the author not like me, or is it that I'm boring?"

"I think your boring. Because if-" Firestar stopped mid-sentence, "Hey, where are you going?

Sandstorm was stomping away. She turned to Firestar with her eyes narrowed. "You think I'm boring?" she growled.

"Well, yeah," Firestar replied as if it was obvious, "All you do is sit there and be all lovey-dovey with me. And occasionally be a bit bad-ass and fight enemy clans."

Sandstorm growled and stomped away. Firestar looked confused. "What did I do?" he muttered in confusion.

At that moment in time Mudclaw burst into camp. He was very badly wounded and looking around wildly.

"Firestar! TigerClan is attacking our camp and we need you help!" he shouted in panic.

Firestar frowned at him. "Who are you?" he asked in confusion. He realised, "Are you Santa Claws in disguise? Ooh, ooh, can you give me some cookies for Christmas? Or something that can teach me to dance? Or another poster of Spottedleaf?" There was a growl from Sandstorm.

"I'm not Santa Claws!" Mudclaw growled, "WindClan need your help! TigerClan is attacking us! We don't have much time!"

"Okay, okay, Santa Claws, calm down," Firestar meowed, "Of course I will help you, because that means I get more presents!" he meowed brightly, "But first, I must choose who will come with me," He padded over to Cloudtail, "Maybe I should choose this Follower of the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar? Actually, no, he was sitting in the Naughty Corner earlier, so I'm not going to take him," Firestar padded over to Brackenfur, "Or maybe I should choose _this_ Follower of the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar? Actually, he used a naughty word earlier, so I'm not going to take him," Firestar padded over to Sandstorm, "Or maybe I should choose-"

"We need to go _now_!" Mudclaw interrupted angrily.

"Calm down, Santa Claws," Firestar meowed, "Follow me, random cats!"

Mudclaw led Firestar and the random cats to WindClan territory. When they arrived in camp TigerClan had already left. There were many injured cats around. They stopped.

"I'm going to point out the obvious," Firestar meowed, "We were too late."

Tallstar spots Firestar and rushes up to him.

"Thank goodness you came," Tallstar meowed in relief. Firestar frowned at him.

"But we were too late," Firestar objected.

"Yes, but at least by coming you showed that you cared," Tallstar meowed.

"I didn't come because I cared, I came because I thought I could get more cupcakes off Tigerstar," Firestar explained.

"Oh," Tallstar meowed in disappointment, "Gorsepaw's dead."

"Who's Gorsepaw?" Firestar asked in confusion.

Tallstar sighed. "He's Morningflower's kit," Tallstar replied. When Firestar still looked confused he added, "Remember, the one you carried when you were bringing WindClan home?"

Firestar thought back to the trip, but shook his head. "I can't remember very much about that, besides the moment when Greystripe and I thought Ravenpaw was going to eat an apprentice," he meowed.

"Okay…" Tallstar was clearly freaked out by Firestar's strangeness. He tactically changed the subject, "Tigerstar wants to meet us at Fourtrees tomorrow. It's obvious what he wants."

"Yeah…" Firestar agreed, "He wants to show us his new dance routine."

"What! Why would he want to do that? He wants to ask us about joining TigerClan," Tallstar explained.

"Oh…" Firestar frowned, "That's not obvious. But I can bet you that he will somehow manage to show us a new dance routine."

Bluestar appeared next to the two leaders. "Crookedstar and I have already bet on that. I don't think Tigerstar will dance, and he does. If I loose then I have to tell Oakheart I never loved him," Bluestar cringed.

"What happens if he looses?" Firestar asked.

"It's been the same for every bet," Bluestar replied, "He makes sure that the only good-looking cats in RiverClan are those who are related to me."

"Cool," Firestar meowed, and Bluestar vanished.

"Anyway, I must return to ThunderClan," Firestar told Tallstar, "Follow me, random cats!"

Firestar ran out of the WindClan camp, followed by the random cats.

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><p><strong>So... I hope you liked that.<strong>

**Next chapter will probably be put on tomorrow. I can guarantee it is the longest chapter in the whole story. I hope it is also the funniest, because I'm putting a lot of effort into it!**

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	7. Scourge clones vs Justin Beiber

**Here is the final chapter!**

**Firestar is about to arrive at Fourtrees for the meeting with Tigerstar. What on earth could possibly happen?**

**Enjoy~**

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><p>Firestar had arrived at Fourtrees with some Followers of the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar. He was with Tallstar and some WindClan cats. They were waiting for Tigerstar and TigerClan to arrive.<p>

They did. Tigerstar entered in a similar way as he had done at the gathering – he bounded up to the great rock like he was the best thing in the world.

"Greetings, cats of less skill then I!" Tigerstar boomed, "I am Tigerstar, leader of TigerClan!"

"We know," Firestar muttered as Tigerstar launched into a dance routine. Everyone's ears fell out again. This time most cats didn't bother to pick them back up again.

"Well then? Have you made up your minds?" Tigerstar demanded after finishing.

"We both made up our minds at the last gathering," Tallstar growled.

"Firestar? The offer about learning to dance is still up," Tigerstar meowed.

"I don't need to learn to dance from you anymore," Firestar meowed smugly, "Santa Claw is giving me a present that can teach me to dance." He beamed at Mudclaw, who had come with Tallstar. Tigerstar laughed.

"Santa Claws? You _still_ believe in Santa Claws? You're more pathetic than I realised," Tigerstar meowed in amusement. Firestar bristled at him.

"Santa Claws is real!" Firestar growled, "And now you're not going to get any presents because you said something mean about him. Non-believer!"

Tigerstar shook his head, "Nope, Santa Claws is real. I worked that out when my mentor said that he wasn't real, but he still got the same amount of presents as he normally did," he meowed.

Firestar gaped at him. "Santa… he isn't real?" he whimpered.

"Nope."

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Firestar cried like the Niagara Falls. He sobbed so much there was a risk of floods.

"FIRESTAR!"

Firestar stopped crying and realised that a ghost cat was talking to him. He didn't recognise the cat.

"I'm Oakheart," he growled, "After Bluestar told me the horrifying truth I decided to show her up by making you look like a more awesome leader. Santa Claws is real. Tigerstar's mentor only got presents because he stole them from other cats."

"Thornclaw would never do something like that!" Tigerstar growled, but he looked doubtful.

"He would and he did," Oakheart growled.

"Oh, that's good. I was really worried for a moment," Firestar meowed brightly.

Oakheart smiled at Firestar. "Now you go and be awesome." He was about to vanish but he leaned to Tallstar and whispered something that no one else could hear. "Santa Claws isn't actually real, but make sure Firestar keeps believing he is." Oakheart then vanished.

"Well then…" Tigerstar meowed after a long stretch of silence, "Meet BloodClan."

BloodClan revealed itself to everyone. Firestar started jumping up and down like an excited kit.

"Ooh, ooh, kittypets!" Firestar cheered, "Hi friends! I was once a kittypet too!"

"Those aren't kittypets," Tallstar meowed gravely.

"They are if I say they are," Firestar retorted, "Now shut up."

"Meet Scourge, leader of BloodClan," Tigerstar indicated to where Scourge was standing with his tail.

Tallstar frowned. "Where is he? There's no one there."

"Too scared to show, was he?" Firestar teased.

"I'm down here, mousebrains!" Scourge growled.

Firestar and Tallstar both looked down and realised that Scourge was only the height of a blade of grass.

"Oh… hi. What does 'Scourge' mean?" Firestar asked.

"Hm… I've always wondered that," Scourge admitted, "I think it either means 'epic' or 'awesome'."

"Does it mean 'small'?" Tigerstar suggested.

Scourge turned to Tigerstar with a look of fury on his face. "How _DARE_ you insult the great Scourge! You will pay!"

"And how do you plan to do that? You're tiny," Tiger laughed.

"Um… have you not noticed how big BloodClan is?" Tallstar meowed.

"I don't need that bunch of foolish mousebrains to punish someone," Scourge growled, "I can do it perfectly by myself. And how can I do that, you ask? Being small has its advantages. Watch and learn. SCOURGE CLONES ATTACK!"

Suddenly, hundreds of tiny cats appeared that looked just like Scourge. They attacked Tiger simultaneously, and killed him.

Firestar suddenly burst out laughing. He collapsed on the ground in a fit of giggles, unable to control himself.

"Why are you laughing?" Scourge asked in confusion.

Firestar managed to gain control of himself and got to his feet. "It's just that I never expected anything like that! It was so awesome! I hate that mousebrain!" Firestar meowed gleefully.

"Me too!" Scourge replied, "High-paw!"

Firestar and Scourge high-pawed, and it almost caused Scourge to be squished. Scourge then turned to the Followers of the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar.

"Hey, I just noticed someone amongst the ranks of your clan that was meant to be killed off a while ago. Can I kill him?" Scourge asked.

"Sure, I'd love to see that again!" Firestar meowed enthusiastically.

Scourge turned to Stonefur. "SCOURGE CLONES ATTACK!" he roared and his clones killed Stonefur.

"Wow, awesome," Firestar meowed.

Firestar and Scourge high-pawed again. Scourge then looked serious.

"You have three to move out of the forest or my Scourge clones will kill you all," he growled.

"You can have it," Firestar meowed.

"I- what?" Scourge blinked in confusion.

"You can have the forest. We don't want it," Firestar repeated.

"Really? Wow, I'm chuffed. I managed to get an entire forest without a massive battle where everyone is supposed to die yet actually only a couple of cats die," Scourge meowed cheerfully.

Oakheart appeared next to Firestar. "Hey, what happened to being awesome?" he asked in disappointment.

"Sorry, but Scourge and his clones are way more awesome than me, as hard as it is to believe," Firestar replied. He padded away from the great rock.

"Will you be taking the stick with you?" Scourge asked.

Firestar stopped suddenly. He slowly turned to face Scourge with a look of rage on his face. "His name is the twig, not the stick. That is one step too far!" Firestar growled.

"Oh yeah? And what are you going to do?" Scourge growled, "This bunch of foolish mousebrains that call themselves BloodClan may be easy to beat, but my clones are 99.9% undefeatable!"

"But I know the 0.1% is… I know their weakness," Firestar meowed.

"Oh yeah? Well what is it?" Scourge questioned.

Firestar nodded to Oakheart, who vanished. He reappeared a moment later, with Justin Beiber.

"No!" Scourge gasped, horrified just by the sight of Justin, "But how will you get him to sing without the rest of you hearing his hideous voice?"

"That's easy!" Firestar meowed, "See, when Tigerstar was dancing earlier, every cats' ears fell off – every cat except you, your clones, and BloodClan. We won't be able to hear a thing!"

"But how have been able to hear this entire conversation?" Scourge asked in confusion.

"Hearing aids!" Firestar explained, "Everyone remove your hearing aids, and then Justin Beiber can sing!"

All the cats of the forest did as asked, and then the most horrible thing happened, the most horrible thing that had ever happened in the history of time – Justin Beiber _sang_.

The forest cats couldn't hear a thing, but the others looked like they were being tortured. In fact, they all were burning up and melting. They were clearly screaming for help, but the cats of the forest just smiled like they were watching a comedy film.

When all that was left was weird gloopy piles of what was once a group of cats, Oakheart took Justin away. Everyone replaced their hearing aids with relief. Then they all cheered.

Oakheart appeared and padded over to Firestar. "Hey, you were awesome," he meowed.

"Couldn't have done it without you," Firestar replied, "I was just wondering, are you going to be talking to Bluestar any time soon?"

"Yes, I probably will be giving her another rant about how much I hate her for lying to me," Oakheart replied, "Why?"

"I want you to deliver a message for me," Firestar meowed, "Tell her I can always trust her to loose a bet for me."

"Okay…" Oakheart clearly had no knowledge of Bluestar's betting history. He vanished.

"Wasn't there meant to be a big battle?" Tallstar meowed.

"Who cares? This thing has already been seriously messed up," Firestar meowed, "Which reminds me… Whitestorm?"

The white warrior padded over to Firestar. "Yes?"

"Seeing as the author of this fan fiction couldn't be bothered thinking of an interesting death for you, you are going to have a very sudden and boring death," Firestar meowed.

"Wait, but-" Whitestorm dropped dead.

"Whitestorm, no!" Firestar wailed.

"I never knew you cared so much about someone other than yourself," Sandstorm meowed in genuine surprise.

"No, I don't care about Whitestorm," Firestar corrected, "He crushed the twig."

"Oh…" Sandstorm trailed off.

"Now I'm going to have to choose a new deputy," Firestar meowed, "There are three candidates – Greystripe, some of this gloopy stuff, or this rock. Now who should I choose? Hm…"

"For goodness sake, just choose Greystripe!" Sandstorm growled.

"Okay," Firestar agreed, "Greystripe is the new deputy of the Followers of the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar."

"Cool," Greystripe meowed.

"Now let's go home and forget this ever happened, as some embarrassing events occurred today, and I would prefer it if cats didn't remember them," Firestar meowed.

"Okay," Greystripe replied.

Everyone padded away from the great rock. Firestar, however, stayed where he was. Sandstorm hung back and stared at him in puzzlement.

"What are you waiting for?" Sandstorm asked.

"I'm waiting for the next series because nothing interesting happens in between. But apparently the two of us go on a quest, and I find your presence deadly boring," Firestar explained.

"Oh, yes, of course you do," Sandstorm growled.

"I've got nothing against you," Firestar meowed, "But being around you makes me bored, and I hate being bored."

"Firestar, I am never having your kits," Sandstorm declared.

"Nice try, but I can tell by using skills that Cinderpelt taught me that you are already pregnant with them," Firestar meowed.

"What!" Sandstorm gasped, "No! This can't be! I'm going to go home and sob in my pillow! I should have gone with Dustpelt instead of you! Why did I ever even like you?"

Sandstorm cried and ran away after everyone else. Firestar chuckled to himself.

"If only she I have no idea what I'm talking about," he meowed, "Well, now the series has come to an end. Of course, everyone is happy. Well, _almost_ everyone... Goodbye."

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><p><strong>This is the end, if you didn't already work that out.<strong>

**I hope you found this hilarious, as that was the whole reason I made it. I would be a little disappointing if everyone found it deadly dull.**

**I really enjoyed making this, so I'm thinking of doing one with another book. Any suggestions about which book?**

**Until I write another story:**

**Adios!**

**(what does that even mean?)**

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